Oh, my Heart ♥
Lovestruck is a common and significant issue of the Z-generation(who are born between 1997 & 2012). And this is such a topic I think ones can not understand or explain it without passing through this experience. I passed through it, suffered a lot, deal with it and now gonna share my point of view about Love.
The story starts when I got some feelings for the opposite gender. And I didn’t wan to fall into the trap of getting involved in such things, because I see the lives of such people who are involved in relationships. I din’t want to be one of them. Every time that particular person(crush xD) came in front of my eyes, intense pain hit me, and my self-esteem hit harder. Beacuse I want to move against the flow. I was just getting obsessed with her thoughts all the time. I woke up the whole nights and overthink a lot. No productivity at all, only sadness, and depression. Then I took a step to study the phenomena of Love for overcoming my sufferings. I managed to overcome these feelings over the past year and now sharing my experience with you. I’m just giving a short overview of my story so that maybe you can relate better and can understand things. I tried to cover the definition of Love, Is it in control? how to overcome this suffering.
I observed that Today’s so-called Love in the form of a Haram relationship is a disease and a trap in which people ruined themselves completely. They changed their careers, mindsets, thoughts, and perspective just for what? Just for pleasing & impressing his/her lover. They always tried to create an impression in their lover's eyes by doing everything that they can. People wake up the whole night chatting/flirting just for the getting pleasure of 2nd person in the relationship, which wastes a lot of their time and mental & physical health. And these are the things that we observe in our routine life.
Love is not itself a bad thing. Even Allah also encourages love and there are verses in Qur’an about love.
And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely these are signs for people who reflect. (Ar-rum, 21)
But this is a consummate love (see that later in Stern berg triangle), which can be found only between couples(Nikkafied).
Love of this Generation
But Now, What is the definition of Love in our’s youth?
Linguistically, its meaning is an intense feeling of deep affection for someone. Our thinking is that Each time because of natural attraction if our feelings developed for an opposite gender, we always think Oh my God, I fall prey to Love. Nice joke, Lol.
Love of first sight or mostly Love itself is not always true. In psychology, Stern berg Triangle explained this phenomenon very well. He discover types of love based on three scales named Passion, intimacy, and commitment.
This triangle covers all types and is a comprehensive case study to understand love. I’ll not get into the details of each category. Must do it on your own.
He concludes that all types of love have no or very little chance of survival except only consummate love. In which all three scales, intimacy, passion, and commitment came and balance it.
I’ll only cover the first one, Infatuation. In our youth, we mostly pass just through infatuation.
It is a type of love in which one only gets attracted towards the second person. But this is a temporary feeling for some months or even for only the short interval when the 2nd person is in front of you. Most of our feelings fall into this category which we think is Love. It’s actually not love. By working on it we can overcome infatuation. But Focusing on it leads to suffering, committing sins and sadness.
The feelings that we have are just infatuation and by working on them we can easily overcome them. But instead of working, we get obsessed with that infatuation and eventually fall into psychological issues that affect our social and mental, and academic life. Let’s see how to overcome.
Love is in One’s control?
This is a myth that love is not in one’s control. This is totally wrong. According to Salaf:
Everything that one carries and takes you toward craziness, is always in one’s control.
But once you get trapped in this disease, then we can say Love is out of control. It is difficult to overcome then. Everything is in your control because Allah says in Surah Al Baqarah (284) that you have the capacity to bear anything that is in your life.
How to control it?
Try to stop those triggers and circumstances that speed up the rush of feelings. Looking over him/her and Thinking about him/her is totally in your control. Stop doing that, you will feel better. Try to avoid as much as you can those places which trigger feelings of love. Try to stop any type of social media activity like stalking or chatting for controlling it.
This is one of the best techniques to deal with such kinds of issues. Overthinking makes you depressed and kills you slowly. Just try to be as much busy as you can with productive things. TBH, this will work. Try to listen to beneficial podcasts(Youth Club Speakers, Muzamil Hasan, etc), do exercise, go on outings, read books, and write your own thoughts. Learn a skill or whatever it is. Just busy yourself as much as you can.
Why are you suffering?
Have a vision and Purpose for Life
You are not meant for doing filthy things or getting involved in Haram relationships. You are born to do greater things in life. You are meant to shine and inspire other people. Have a high vision for your life by having the right people in your circle. Create +ve impacts on others' life. And The best purpose and vision of life is only given by one thing, Islam. Study thoroughly, acquire knowledge and be an independent bird to fly in the enslavement of Allah Almighty instead of multiple peoples in your life.
Spread Kindness, Love, and add value to people’s life. You should have not such a myopic vision that revolves only around a particular person. Try to do noble things in your life.
Try to remember and Understand the names of Allah and also learn the art of making dua. Have a casual conversation just like friends with Allah. Tell Him your problems and sufferings by using his name and ask him to help him. Surely, he will pull out you of this situation. He is the Lord, knows you and for sure will heal you if you turn towards Him.
Your Love must be for this entity
Allah is Al-wadood, and loves us beyond our expectations. He says in Qur’an that People love others and bring them equal to Allah (by pleasing them all the time and prioritizing them all the time). And then Allah says:
So, we should be stronger in the Love of Allah and Allah will bless us with such things you can’t even imagine. Leave Haram relationships for sake of Allah, Allah made a promise to fill your heart with richness, and replace something way better than this thing.
You are born to do something Great.
Just sit down, take a paper pencil and write down what are you doing right now and what you want to do. If the directions are opposite, then this is an alarming situation. You are born to do great things. The things, that people can remember you even after your death. You are bigger than your thoughts, vision, and weaknesses.
You have to take the steps to overcome and get out of such things. You can do that. Strart is difficult, but then their is such a satisfaction that I even can not explain in my word. Only you can experience it.
This article is based on my own thoughts and personal experiences. You have the right to argue about that.
Jazak Allah for reading. Need Prayers.