Friendship
Friendship is an integral part of our life and also it's psychologically proven that it plays a crucial role in our behaviors, moods, personalities, and daily life. I’m not gonna explain these theories, you can search them on your own. What I’m gonna cover in this article, is Types of friends, Friends from Islamic & Psychological perspectives, How and Whom to make friends, and what should be our role in friendship?
First, Let me clear that every person we met, or our fellows or any other with which we have some relations aren't meant to be our friends. They can be or not be. Friendship is a sacred relationship & a tight bond between two persons. They know each other from every perspective. They have bonds of mutual affection, liking, and trust.
Let’s first quickly have a look at types of friends. There are three major types of friends.
Types
→ Selfish | Profiteers
There are many selfish friends in our lives. In short, Snakes 🐍xD. They just remain attached to themselves until they can have some benefit from us.
→ Pleasure seeker | Bad Friends
These are those friends who’re just for shugal mela in our life. And extreme of this fun, pleasure is drugs, smoking, club, parties, roaming purposelessly, unnecessary & absurd chatting, etc.
→ Beneficial Friend | Good Friends
These are those friends who give us a lot of benefits in our learning, grooming, growing. Or If they don’t give advantage to us, they will not harm us also.
In the end, only a third type of friend will remain with us. Pleasure seeker and selfish one will leave us at some sport of our life.
Importance
Let’s discuss the importance of friends in our life from both psychological and Islamic perspectives.
→ From Psychological Perspective
Friends have a great impact on Our Lives. There’s a possibility that we can get destroyed because of friends or also can shape into our better versions because of them. As a salaf, Sufyan al-Thawri said:
“There is nothing that corrupts a person or rectifies him more than his companion”.
Jim Rohn, a famous Speaker once said: You’re on average of five people, you meet on daily basis. The people you spend the most time with shape who you are. They determine what conversations dominate your attention. They affect to which attitudes and behaviors you are regularly exposed. Eventually, you start to think as they think and behave as they behave.
→ A Research
According to research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, the people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life.
And That’s huge. The dream in your heart may be bigger than the environment in which you find yourself. Sometimes you have to get out of that environment to see that dream fulfilled.
→ Islamic Point of View
Now if we see these types of friends from an Islamic point of view then there is a famous Hadith of Prophet (ﷺ) in which he compared a good friend will musk and bad friends with Fire bellows. Read that hadith how these both friends affect us.
‘The example of a good pious companion and an evil one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him, but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him.” [Bukhari 5534]
Also, Allah says in Qur’an:
Woe to me! I wish I had never taken so-and-so as a close friend. (Quran, 25:28)
So, it’s clear that we will not suffer only in this world but also in the internal life of the hereafter.
How & Whom to choose friends
We should be much conscious about our company and friends. Also, we should take precautious measures in making friends. Just talking or chatting or having some shugal mela with someone doesn't define it as your friends. You should define someone whether it should be your friend or not on the basis of some rules because Prevention is better than cure.
Also, Prophet(SAW) said:
“A man is upon the religion of his friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” [Tirmidhi 2378]
Mean, Prophet (SAW) said that our personalities and ways of actions and behaviors depend a lot on our friends and we should be much conscious while choosing them. Also, One of my spiritual teachers said to me, If you wanna change, just do two things:
1. Gain Knowledge (Especially Deen)
2. Good Company
And, I didn’t comprehend this thing at that time, but experienced it over the passage of time.
Now How & Whom to choose friends, it’s also a lengthy topic which I’m leaving on with the planning of covering it in another article. Stay Connected. 😂
Our Role?
This is all about what we can do in terms of friendship. Till now, I discussed only the types and importance of friends. Now, There’s also our responsibility to be a good friends and we also have some things to do for this purpose. How can we become good and beneficial friends?
First of all, never leave your bad friend at the first spot after knowing things. Try to change them. Hate the sins, not the sinners. Try to make them better, if you’re not succeeded then leave them. Because there’s the possibility of fitnah for you. Letting go of someone from your life for your well-being is completely okay. No one is meant to stay forever in your life. So, Now, these are some things to take care of in friendship.
- Appreciate your friends' on their strengths & good qualities and also try to console them if they’re depressed. Try to not mock their weaknesses. Your one word of appreciation will boost their morale and confidence to the peak.
- Cooperate! Instead of jealousy, work with your friends to achieve better learning results for all of you and take them forward with your success.
- Be beneficial. Once my Mentor said to me: ( نفع بخش بننا، نفع خور نہیں)۔ If you become beneficial to others, Allah will help you. Contribute your efforts to your friend's grooming by sharing your knowledge. As my mentor also said, You can't save your knowledge until you spend it. So, Be a beneficial friend, not the selfish one.
That’s all!
Jazak Allah for reading! May Allah accept our efforts and make this article to change personalities. Forgiving an indirect message you can share this article with your friends too. Contributing in good cause is our responsibility to be a part of this society. Be a part of sadqa-e-jaria.
Signing off until the next article, Allah Hafiz!
